My beard, and how family guy relates to life.

Having a beard.  Ando San. Blessed Ando san who is my neighbor here at work has just called me out for having a beard. He did it in a really polite way, by saying things like….. “how many people in America have a beard like you? That isn’t normal is it? You should really shave every day and stay on top of that….”

I respect Ando san. He teaches me all sorts of good things. He good read this blog and translate it into the most beautiful Japanese ever. He was the VP of the company for 20 years before he retired, and came back to be an advisor. So ya, I respect his input.

 Which puts me in this predicament of what to do. I just got done arguing with a member at church (who actually isnt all the way there mentally) that i dont need to shave my beard.  It is a conversation that I have with him every week (though not on Sunday and that story will come later). Our converstation went something like this after he incesently begged for my attention (kinda like this family guy episode)

Bro from church: “I hate people who dont shave.”

Me: “So do you hate me?”

“I can’t say that”

“ok”

“But bro payne, you aren’t ever going to get a job with a beard like that”

“Actually i have a job right now”

“Well the boss will change and you will get fired. I know this because someone told me that”

“Actually I think I am going to be ok, do you have a job”

“No not yet, I am retarded.”

And I am not even kidding about the retarded thing. He is the first person that I have met that is openly addmitting that he is retarded. It also reminds me of another family guy episode called “Petarded”.

I am not trying to be cruel at all, because I understand that people including myself have issues. But this guy is funny.  It is like he is there all the way, but he has a few limitations and then blames it on being retarded. I love it.

But he hates me, and thinks I am worthless with a beard. I enjoy talking to him, and i know he likes talking to me too.  However, I did see him  saw him a couple nights ago, and he hadnt shaved…..

So the beard may go because Ando san told me i should, but it may stay because it strikes up intriguing conversation with this other guy……

oh ya. life is great BTW.

Japanese, accounting, and BS.

You know that you really didn’t succeed in college if the things that you majored and minored in are really hard to put together. As in explaining accounting and finance principles in Japanese. For the last three days, I have been trying to explain what I have learned as an accounting student.  Kinda chaleenging, kinda fun.

But in turn i learned a lot of cool words, and have been able to get to know a lot of really interesting people! They even asked me to come and work in the finance department once a week until i go home. (probably to collect their mail as well).

Warning–boring accounting talk.They talked about the balance sheet and the inclome statement a lot. They call the Income Statement a PL as in profit loss statement, and they call the Blance Statement a BS as in….balance statement. Long story short, i didnt realize it until one of them said ” now back to our conversation about BS” and I busted up laughing!!! I dont know why that was never funny to me before, but this whole BS conversation was killing me for the rest of the day.

I tried to explain it to them but they didnt find it as funny…..i tried to translate what BS was as well…..not funny.

This last tuesday, I played Futsol for the first time….I had a chance to score about 15 wide open goals, and sure enough i made about 1 of them.

 I joined a team that has a bunch of people from here on it, and they are all really cool guys. I think they just want me to knock some folks out.

I am actually really starting to enjoy what I am doing here. The days are sometimes long, but as I focus on what i need to, i get a lot of stuff done. 

Monday is Old Persons day. Weird holiday, but i get the day off so i will respect all the old people i need to.  As long as i dont have to deal with their BS.

Sometimes…

**I embarass myself. I am usually immune to any laughter that may come my way, but this weekend was a little different.

The company had a softball tournament with all of its clients and sales offices and all of that. I was the only foreigner there, and since i am big and i look kinda mean, they expected me to hit some home runs or something.  I talked down my ability at softball and was really humble about it–on the outside. Because on the inside i was thinking to myself “I am going to freakin Barry Bonds all over these people (minus the Steroids of course–but that is a different discussion for a different day)”.

I batted 3 times.  I grounded out twice and forced a runner out at home. Lame. I was probably the only person who EVERYONE was watching bat. I think the teams for the other game next to us stopped just to watch and see what i could do.

I choked. Pressure was intense. It sucked. Though one of the times i grounded out the first base man was in my running line and i ran him over like he was roadkill. he hung on to the ball. Crap.

Might i add that the Japanese ball for softball really is soft. It isn’t the big hard ball that we all grew up with. I think that the softer ball is a reason that i wasn’t able to hit. I just wasn’t used to it.

 I was so embarrased. I cant believe that i sucked that bad.

I ended up telling the team that BEAT THE CRAP out of our team that i sucked it up becasuse they were clients and i needed to make them feel good….I dont know how well that went over with Mr Firt Baseman who was limping after the game……

So in an effort to make life better i went to church the next day with a resolution to avoid embarrasment in front of large groups of people. I got there early, sat and read church magazine while listenening to the prelude music, and was totally beside myself. Then, I was asked to bless the sacrament with another person, he would take care of the bread, and me the water.  I read and re-read and re-read the prayer that i have heard so many times before in order to not screw up. I was all sorts of ready. Then when it was my turn, i started to read the prayer–in Japanese of course–trying to inflect the best pronunciation of the words i could–i was doing awesome……  until i read the word “bread”. I was reading the wrong prayer.

Again. Embarrasmnet before the masses.

I think that i have really picked up this whole “save-face” thing from the Japanese. Unlike the way i am in the states, I have actually begun to care what people think about me-which is really weird for me to accept. Had I grounded out in the states I would have just laughed it off. Maybe it is not so much me that i am worried about. More like what people will think about the people and groups that i represent. My family, my church, my state, city, university, friends, current company, former company etc.

Oh well. Today I am looking back at it all and it is a little funny. There is always hockey season. I should see if we can get that to be a company outing….i dont think Mr Firt Base man would show up though.

**EDITED NOTICE*** So here it is on tuesday, and they brought around a present for all those that participated in the tournament. A beautiful little cloth and 5000￥…. Or about $45. All embarrasment is forgotten.

Shopping and the HILL.

I capitalize HILL because it demands respect. It doesn’t ask for it.  It is awesome.

I know that I have ridden a bike up bigger and meaner hills in Japan, but that was a time when I had a 29 inch framed 24 speed Specialized Hard ROck Mountain Bike–with a basket on the back.  It was super easy to get up hills back then.

 But now, I have this. 

A not so large “Mamachari” that most Americans refer to as “a grandma bike”. Trust me, there are all sorts of people riding these things everywhere. When I was a missionary (I said it again!) I used to look forward to the chance to ride one of these since they were just so comfortable, but we could always rely on the mountain bikes to get us to the far places we needed to go.

AS you can see there is a cute little basket in the front that i feel like I should fill with flowers and a scottish terrier named Toto. And on the back is a bycicle form of a luggage rack which in this picture is carrying my 5 kg of rice and another 4 boxes of cereal from the liquor store (BTW–i have since changed my favorite flavor from Loopy Nut to Bran Flakes) THe mamachari is very convenient, and i really enjoy it.

Until I have to go up the HILL.

You see, if i want to do anything in this town, i have to go down the hill that the company and my apartment are placed on.  SHopping? down the hill. Church? down the hill. Train station? down the hill. Which is totally fine, except that eventually i have to come back.

There is only one gear on this thing, and so there are two ways to ride it. Sitting down or Standing up.

The HILL however doesn’t look that menacing until you are about half way up it and you think to yourself, is it really that big or am i really that fat?

I think it has become a combination of both, but I am starting to get over it. I never give in. The HILL is going to be nothing but a speedbump when i am done with it. I hype myself up every night for it.

This post was so long and boring. I just want you all to know that i am getting some exercise. Here is a pic with me and my bike which has a differnt name depending on the mood i am in the day i go up the HILL.

My Job and why I love it.

It all starts with Gratitude. Everyone here lives by it. People in Japan are naturally kind to each other and to foreigners in an effort to “save face”–建前。But the company that I am working for is a little different. They take the idea of being greatful to a new extreme.

THANK YOU. They say it all the time. It has replaced the regular greetings of “Good monring, Good afternoon, Good evening, good night, Go screw your self, hey dip wad, whats up etc.” INSTEAD, they say thank you to each and every person that they greet.

Needless to say i looked like a fool for the first few days saying Good morning and all that crap. But i am the only large white man on the company campus so….i think i got away with it.

Thank you for working late, thank you for coming in early, thank you for lunch, thank you for being alive, thank you for developing a new product,  thank you thankyou thank you.

My friend Guy knows about the phrase. While attending UVSC, he started a way that we would get each others attention about a pretty girl walking by without looking like the desperate oafs that we really were. It was by saying “Thank You”–then the other is supposed to look until gratitude has been served to the beautiful woman and respond with “ooooh thank you”

Thank you.  It is a phrase that you think i would be sick of saying after saying it about 100 times a day, but it is kinda catchy. Attitude change along with it.

So that is the #1 reason why this company rocks.

#2 the toilets. They have a bidet and a “but fountain” in every western toilet in the place. Trust me, i have used them all. There is a commercial out there for the toilets with this stuff on them in the United States and it basically says something like “You wouldnt wash your dishes with only paper towels, you wouldn’t try to clean your self with just a dry rag, so why do we rely on only toilet paper when we go to the bathroom?

Or in other words: add water. It makes so much sense and i have a clean creavas to show for it.

The theory that Japan takes everything the world has to offer and makes it better is so true. Especially in this case.

Reason #3 why this company is so awesome: I have received a new responsibility today in addition to translating a few important documents about new products.

Mail boy.

I now get to retrieve the mail for everyone in my division. I am now living the dream of a true intern. I feel that my purpose here is finally served!  I am actually hoping that they will promote me to deliver mail to more than just my division.

I really do serve a function for other things here, but so far it has been helping with translation, and the occasional culture lesson. I have had the chance to learn a lot of Japanese while jumping into this and may just take the Japanese Profficiency Exam in December. It is basically a test you can take to prove that you think you know how to speak this language.  I may as well, since i really wont have a better chance than now.

Oh well I am boring. Here are some pics. Next post is reason #4 why I love this company:THE HILL.

Koriyama Steeple. in the night. It was a lovely, familiar sight after wandering down a dark narrow road looking for it.

Matsu Jitsu Seito Iesu Kirisuto Kyoukai

This is me at the company farm in Onomachi 小野町。 The coat, hat, and slippers you cant see are for sanitation or something….i look like a mix between Mike Brady and Papa Smurf. The bags in the back are full of compost-AKA Cow, goat, and pig $H!%。I really dig the view from the farm though.

This is a picture of the company’s mercedes benz. They keep it up at the farm though.

These are some of my Co-workers……

They are testing something for Goat Milk Yogurt–i don’t know where the milk comes from….

Maybe that pic should be a few posts back…..

And here is me with Matsuda san and Nemoto San at the top of the farm–VERY BEAUTIFUL out there. Everything is green. But I cant help but to keep singing that freakin smurfs song…..

And finally I leave you with this simple message found in a convenience store.