A mountain full of Zoobies

So my friend Lance had a BRILLIANT idea of hiking Mt. Timpanogas from the back side in Provo Canyon last night….as in night, starting at 12 midnight.  The ultimate goal was to get to the top of the mountain (which is at a good 11,000 ft) and watch the sunrise which was at about 6:30 am. It made out to be quite an eventful trip.

First, we got on the wrong trail and had to back track for over an hour, which had us actually starting on the correct trail at about 1:30 am.

Second, someone hid the elevator to this thing cause as far as I could tell, there were nothing but narrow trails and switchbacks all the way to the top.

Third, I am not exactly in shape, so the aforementioned elevator would have come in handy. In shape or not, people around this area talk about hiking Mt. Timp like it is a simple trip to the grocery store to buy a can of olives rather than the reality which is more like getting a root canal done by a circus clown whom has no opposable thumbs.

So we start up the mountain and either we pass, or get passed by, crowds of bright smiling faces of people that think it is the most wonderful thing to be up at 2 in the morning, wandering their way up a mountain staring at the 18″ rocky trail ahead of them with nothing but a light strapped to their head as a guide.  They were all so happy and so much of it just didn’t make sense.

Then I realized it: Zoobies.

I wish I could describe for you all what a Zoobie is, but unless you have met one, you really have no clue. A Zoobie or Zooby is someone who attends BYU located in Provo, UT. They are all bright, energetic, happy, excited, prone to be married by age 22, honor code signing, knee short sportin, people who have an activity every night of the week and are somehow able to manage working 3 jobs, raising a family, and attending 18 credit hours of school all at the same time. An absolutely incredible species.

I wasn’t able to confirm that the specimens we witnessed were actual Zoobies until the sun actually came up, at which point i saw “cougar blue” t-shirts promoting the football team, BYU student association, or some sacred scripture that was used out of context to make it promote a certain agenda.

We got to “the lake” which is the place you stop at and think to yourself such questions as: ” why did I do this? Why am I so fat? Why do I not have any food left? Where did those mountain goats come from? Where is the helicopter pad? where is that damn elevator? Where do babies come from? DO I REALLY WANT TO GO TO THE SUMMIT OF THIS MOUNTAIN?!?!?”

I answered that last question by simply falling asleep in the cold blown meadow with the mountain goats and tried to keep warm the best i could while the last two stragglers in the crew went to the top.

So i wake up an hour or so later and decide that it may be time to get back down. The decent begins and not more than 300 yds down the trail, I hear a familiar tune being sung—nay, screamed and sung by some distant group of hikers. The familiar tune? It was the main theme from Lord of the Rings.  And they were singing it as a soundtrack as if they were on a journey with a bunch of short hairy people with a ring to take to the top of timpanogas and cast it into a burning pit.

And as we saw them closer on the trail. sure enough…..blue t-shirts….bright smiles….hopes of marriage gleaming in all of their faces…….Zoobies.

In terms of an FYI, if you are not in shape do not do this hike. Though going up was bad, the decent was even worse and I don’t think my knees will ever forgive me.  I do vow however to get in shape, and get to the top of that mountain. Hopefully i can make my own soundtrack for this journey with a couple of coconut shells.

I should have known.